Keeping my Mouth Shut
Since you all don’t know me you don’t realize what a difficult thing this is for me to do. When I say “shut” it’s more like the gatekeeper is going to work on allowing only the positive things out and will turn away the negative. As I go through my life freely dolling out my opinion about everything and everyone I realize I have to watch out for being snarky or judgmental. Even the times I just think I’m being “witty” or “clever” it’s probably connected to a jab of some sort. I had to ask myself if I do this to make myself feel better or smarter? If so, lame. I’m not perfect and have barely figured out a few things, so why do I feel compelled to throw my observations around. Why not reel it all in and just continue to focus on the progress of my own life or contributing something productive to a situation?
At the end of the day I really am old enough to know better. I have always been good about keeping secrets and not being overly gossipy, but now I’m talking about all the little stuff that once you add it up it’s all the same. My husband Laird has reminded me that crap is crap. So it doesn’t matter if you have a big or little piece of crap it’s still you know, crap. Not to mention that my kids are listening every second as children do.
I’ve joked in the past about being narcissistic enough that I want to make everything about me, but it’s a little bit like good selfish. Sometimes there is something to be said for keeping your energy focused on your own plate. If I can accomplish this with being a good listener I think I could be on to something.
This does lead me to an important point. There are people I don’t have chemistry with and quite frankly it’s best if I like or love them from afar. The relationship/circumstance does not bring out the best in me, and quite frankly I don’t feel like forcing it. I do want to be myself, and live by my code so I feel it’s essential to be around people that I can do this with. I’m not enlisting into the nicety nice camp, I’m saying I want to attempt to be my best as often as I can. This will also entail sticking up for my personal environment, and making my life (home, friends, family, work etc) REFLECT the me inside. Doesn’t mean every relationship in my life is sweet as honey and flows like liquid (gag), it’s just what I’m aiming for in the percentages game.
The next thing I will have to work on is what I do with my eyes when my gatekeeper is hard at work.